What's Wrong With A Little Threat Among Parents and Children..Everything
Maybe it's an American
thing but when I saw this Tweet from @ChristyTV, Christy McDonald: "Ho ho
ho parents... it's time to officially use the Santa threat. tinyurl.com/6nmu5wa
#parenting #santa" I just had to
respond.
On her blog she defends her use of the threat; in part she writes ".....there’s
nothing wrong with a little
he’s-gonna-find-out-who’s-naughty-and-nice-so-you-better-not-hit-your-sister-again-or-Santa-won’t-bring-you-any-presents
reminder." Really Christy! Really! I think that the
"Santa Threat" and all other threats don't teach our children what we
really want them to know and have: Respect and self-discipline.
All threats the Santa and
my personal favourite: "If you don't eat all your dinner no desert!",
are hollow. Hollow because they backfire
more often they "work." Think
about what the Santa threat says. I have
no authority, no standing with you, my child, so I have to go outside to find a
greater authority, and this authority brings you presences! What is the child hearing? "Goody, Mom and Dad don't have sh*t but
this Santa guy! Yeah, give me cr*p I
don't really need and I will jump through hoops for you!" What you are really saying is things are a
lot more important than people. In a few
years when the kids realize that Santa isn't really an authority in the house,
the threat will have no meaning and either do you; because by now you have
become as hollow as the threats you use to control your children.
If we want our children
to have respect and self-discipline than threats get in our way, they weaken us
as parents; threats make us weak leaders destroying our Role as Queen/Guide of
our homes. For example: In our house we
NEVER use food as a discipline tool, which is what threats are: cheap
discipline tools. If our children eat
very little they got very little desert.
What we found was that if they eat dinner to their satisfaction they
were full and didn't want desert. In
fact in our house desert is a rarity, reserved for those special
occasions. It was our thought that to
threaten with desert you make the sweet more important than the healthy
meal. The desert became the goal, not
the nourishing food. So with that in
mind think about the Santa threat: the things become more important than the
person who gave them. It isn't the love
and time you put into the gift; it’s only the gift that counts! Come on moms do we really feel God is calling
us to raise children like that?
Here is an article for
the American national newspaper USA TODAY that backs-up my point:
By Liz Szabo, USA TODAY
Every December, parents go through the same rituals. Trimming
the tree. Baking the cookies. Using Santa — or his helper, the Elf on the Shelf
— to threaten the kids.
Most parents will admit that they've outsourced discipline to
Santa at least once. As in, "He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows
when you're awake. And he may just cross you off his list, if you don't stop
screaming right now."
CHRISTMAS PHENOM: 'The Elf on the Shelf' success story
Yet many experts say this ploy doesn't work for very long and
sends the wrong message. When children are hungry or tired, even the threatened
loss of presents won't help them control themselves, doctors say.
"The Santa line only works for about five minutes,"
says child psychologist Edward Christophersen of the University of
Missouri-Kansas City. Turning Santa into an "enforcer" also drains a
lot of joy from the holiday, he says. "It paints Santa in a very negative
light."
Even the Elf on the Shelf phenomenon, which has succeeded in
commercializing Santa's disciplinary function, can be a little creepy, some
experts say.
"It can feel really weird to think that someone is always
watching you," says Lawrence Balter, a New York City child psychologist.
His advice: Keep the holidays separate from discipline.
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