Death Changes Us

To my friends who have lost a parent in adulthood, I apologize.  I am sorry for not being there for you, for not realizing the hole that was left in your life.  I apologize for not being cognizant of how everything shifted and the sadness losing your loved one surely brought.

I could not have known, not really, until it happened to me.  Losing a parent in adulthood, especially leaves one feeling incomplete.  It is not that it is overwhelming on a daily basis, but the fact is, we are forever altered. 

Death changes us.
I wish I could say I have found the secret to moving forward, but I have not.  The only thing I can say for sure from everything I have read and experienced is that it is best not to suppress whatever feelings or emotions rise up.  
Are you feeling angry? Anxious? Do you need to cry?  Rather than denying those feelings or trying to put them in a box, acknowledge them for what they are, part of the process of grief.  It helps me to do a self-check to see where I am in the process and if whatever I am feeling fits with expert resources about the grief process.
As long as we are not completely overwhelmed by them without ever experiencing relief, it seems to me those emotions—and healing—come slowly, in fits and starts.
It is a huge adjustment when you are close to your parent and they die.  Whenever anything happens in life, they were the one that you had to call.  They were the ones that always listened carefully and gave advice judiciously.  You never had to be in this world without them—being so is a totally foreign concept.
Of course, as a Christian, we take comfort in hopefulness.  We are hopeful that our loved ones are in a better place, free of pain and so forth.  And that helps, but it doesn’t satisfy the profound desire to hold their hand once more, give them a hug, or have a conversation with them. 
 
With all this in mind, what surfaces from this process is the recognition that now is the time—today, not tomorrow—to take care of any unsettled business.  Especially spiritual business.  
If you are on an endless search to figure everything out before you say Yes! to God, or if you are an “I’ll get around to it” person, I highly suggest you get moving, because while we are busy trying to figure things out, life moves, often unexpectedly.  
It is never too soon, but it can be too late.
I would recommend pausing from the crazy busyness of life and begin focusing on what is most important—getting your spiritual life and your personal affairs in order.
But what does that look like, getting your spiritual life in order?  It means setting things right with God. Getting to know him. He is the one who created us, who loves us, and who consistently cares for us, so now is the time to ask yourself, “What am I waiting for?”
You figuring out all of the details really isn’t necessary—and really not as important as you might think.  Sometimes we have to allow ourselves to be a little vulnerable and let down our defenses and put aside our objections when it comes to embracing God. 

We simply cannot know everything, so there will surely be things that will cause you doubt that you will need to let go.  
Standing firmly against the church, or faith, or the idea of God and being unwavering in your convictions is not getting you anywhere.
What is necessary is for you to find a church community where you are given the opportunity to connect with God, on a deeply personal level, where you can receive the Body of Christ in sacrament.
Walking with God every day, you will discover a freedom that you never knew existed.  With Christ as your center of focus, you will gain a new perspective, but more importantly, a greater understanding of salvation and the desire to live accordingly.
Janet Cassidy
janetcassidy.blogspot.com
janetcassidy.blubrry.net

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