Death Changes Us
To my friends who have lost a parent in adulthood, I
apologize. I am sorry for not being
there for you, for not realizing the hole that was left in your life. I apologize for not being cognizant of how
everything shifted and the sadness losing your loved one surely brought.
I could not have known, not really, until it happened to
me. Losing a parent in adulthood,
especially leaves one feeling incomplete.
It is not that it is overwhelming on a daily basis, but the fact is, we
are forever altered.
Death changes us.
Death changes us.
I wish I could say I have found the secret to moving
forward, but I have not. The only thing
I can say for sure from everything I have read and experienced is that it is
best not to suppress whatever feelings or emotions rise up.
Are you feeling angry? Anxious? Do you need to cry? Rather than denying those feelings or trying
to put them in a box, acknowledge them for what they are, part of the process
of grief. It helps me to do a self-check
to see where I am in the process and if whatever I am feeling fits with expert
resources about the grief process.
As long as we are not completely overwhelmed by them without
ever experiencing relief, it seems to me those emotions—and healing—come
slowly, in fits and starts.
It is a huge adjustment when you are close to your parent
and they die. Whenever anything happens
in life, they were the one that you had to call. They were the ones that always listened
carefully and gave advice judiciously.
You never had to be in this world without them—being so is a totally
foreign concept.
Of course, as a Christian, we take comfort in
hopefulness. We are hopeful that our
loved ones are in a better place, free of pain and so forth. And that helps, but it doesn’t satisfy the
profound desire to hold their hand once more, give them a hug, or have a
conversation with them.
With all this in mind, what surfaces from this process is
the recognition that now is the time—today, not tomorrow—to take care of any
unsettled business. Especially spiritual
business.
If you are on an endless search to figure everything out before
you say Yes! to God, or if you are an “I’ll get around to it” person, I highly
suggest you get moving, because while we are busy trying to figure things out,
life moves, often unexpectedly.
It is never too soon, but it can be too late.
I would recommend pausing from the crazy busyness of life
and begin focusing on what is most important—getting your spiritual life and
your personal affairs in order.
But what does that look like, getting your spiritual life in
order? It means setting things right
with God. Getting to know him. He is the one who created us, who loves us, and who
consistently cares for us, so now is the time to ask yourself, “What am I
waiting for?”
You figuring out all of the details really isn’t necessary—and
really not as important as you might think.
Sometimes we have to allow ourselves to be a little vulnerable and let
down our defenses and put aside our objections when it comes to embracing
God.
We simply cannot know everything, so there will surely be things that will cause you doubt that you will need to let go.
We simply cannot know everything, so there will surely be things that will cause you doubt that you will need to let go.
Standing firmly against the church, or faith, or the idea of
God and being unwavering in your convictions is not getting you anywhere.
What is necessary is for you to find a church community
where you are given the opportunity to connect with God, on a deeply personal
level, where you can receive the Body of Christ in sacrament.
Walking with God every day, you will discover a freedom that
you never knew existed. With Christ as
your center of focus, you will gain a new perspective, but more importantly, a
greater understanding of salvation and the desire to live accordingly.
Janet Cassidy
janetcassidy.blogspot.com
janetcassidy.blubrry.net
janetcassidy.blogspot.com
janetcassidy.blubrry.net
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