Hello, I'm new here, where do I go?

Hello, I am Ros, from over at shadowlands. The above photograph is how I would like to see us all, eventually, with Jesus. I know we also have to be mature and brave and grown-up, but that picture is my ideal Judgment Day encounter. A child, unafraid, with their Father.

I am new to the Association. Welcome. Oh no, you all have to say that to me don't you? Sorry! As you can see, I am rather scatterbrained but every now and then, I get thoughts that just have to be aired. I didn't know what to introduce myself with post wise but I do like to pray for priests (the rosary). I also blog about living life one day at a time, one hour at a time. I like worship music and the thought of us ALL being welcomed into glory. Does that sound a bit protestant? I can sound a bit proddy at times, I had a bit of a Baptist upbringing mingled with pentecostals and charismatic smatterings and I love C S Lewis, feel like I know him actually! Not in a terribly clever way, just amateurishly nostalgic-ish. Religion wise, I choose to be as obedient as my surrendered will is able to be on any given day, contingent on my spiritual well being, to the magisterium of Rome. I'm getting clearer about my need to do this as the months are rolling by.


 I am also serious about some issues, very serious. One of them is priests.
(I wrote these words (below) in 2009. It reminded me of someone who had died. Now it is making me consider someone else). 

Towards the end,he would never really fall asleep,
at least not in the way you would recognise
he would seem to pass out for a time.
He never really woke up,
he would always come to...
Sometimes with a start,
sometimes with a retch
of an already
sore stomach.
And so the day, or his semi-conscious part of it
would begin to unravel.
Memories to try and grasp,
what day, night, time, is this?
What place, bed, face
is this?
The usual perplexities of the normal morning mind were manageable,
a breeze almost
but not this
all consuming guilt,
that charged like an army,
being of itself a motivator to get his wracked soul into gear.
"If I can just get to the sink....retch
should be praying.... retch.....
duty...."
"What!" the demonic sounding voice would demand from within and without his aching head,
"What about it, if you can just get to the sink? 
What next?"
He could hardly breath,
let alone respond with any clarity.
"I don't know, can't think yet.
Oh Jesus help me, I'm so sorry!"
"He won't help you now,
you've blown it with Him,
you know that. Praying is useless for you now!"
Had he felt a little spiritually stronger,
he would have sunk into those eternally enduring arms of Mercy,
that were holding up the whole universe.
Arms he had painstakingly shown to other's throughout his life and work.
Had life not overwhelmed him so,
he would have recognised that the voice inside his pain-filled mind now taunting and accusing him relentlessly,
was the same voice that had been tempting and encouraging him only a few hours earlier..........


Earlier


The obsession in his head was so over-powering now that nothing else would get in.
Apparently an obsessional thought consumes all other thoughts.
There was no apparent about it,
he was going to have a drink whatever.
And so the thought provoked a decision,
and in turn this provoked an action.
An action he had promised he would never take again,
he had made and meant that promise again and again,
whole heartedly for what he had prayed would be the last time, only a few months ago.


Lord have Mercy,
give all your Priests protection
offer them strong moments of Grace filled clarity
that gives them the hope and trust in you right now Jesus,
to turn
and return again
each day
each hour if necessary
to your loving arms.
And there to find forgiveness
and to see
carved on the palm of your hand
their true image and worth.


Amen.