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Showing posts with the label self-pity

Stabbing Myself in the Heart

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Christ is the only sacrifice who redeems and heals us, not our own self-inflicted suffering. I stood at the sink, pain lancing my chest, sobbing silently, tears blinding me as I tackled a mound of dirty dishes. Exhaustion weighed heavy, continue reading

Discovering Joy Inspite of Myself

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I discovered  joy in the most unlikely place,  in the midst of suffering. Years ago, living in poverty, united with a husband struggling with depression and surrounded by the clamour and demands of nine children, I was stretched to my limits of endurance. Lack of sleep was part of the reason that most of my inner walls of defense crumbled and hidden, inner demons tormented my dreams. I felt my emotional pain physically, as though a dagger had pierced my heart.


It was easy to picture myself as a victim.
It was easy to let go of my innate optimism and sink into moments of self-pity.

I did not want mere happiness. I knew that there is a world of difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is dependant on circumstances but I knew that it is possible to dwell in joy, even in the most dire of circumstances. To me happiness is a fickle, surface emotion that is fleeting at best, impossible to even touch when I am surrounded by difficulties. Yet it was precisely a life filled with difficulties …