January

The darkest month.

The sky is mostly gray. The wind is cold. The trees are bare.  The days are short and the nights are long.

My  mind fills with memories.

My daughter's cancer diagnosis several years ago. My dad's short, final bout with cancer three years ago.

Day after day I relive the pain I felt through their struggles. Each day of this month I can tell you what I was doing on this day then.  It is as if no time has passed at all. Some days I feel as if I am lost in the past.  Other days I worry what is out there in my future. I find it difficult to fully embrace the present. I spend my time turning back, looking forward--unsettled.

I have lost my focus. I ask my husband if this is all there is.  Struggling to get up in the morning. Going back to bed at night. With little thought of what I have done in between.  To an outsider, I may look still, but my mind is racing. Thinking. Remembering.  To read more: http://www.restfulwaters.net/january/