Why Modesty Is Not Subjective

Hi there, ya'll! 

The modest fashion world is one very diverse place.  Even among Catholics, the definition of "modest apparel" can vary greatly from person to person.  Recently I joined a Facebook group that advertised itself as a haven for Catholic women of all ages to share ideas for modest style and makeup and was hoping to learn more about modesty from my fellow Catholic sisters.  After a few days of being a member, though, I sadly left the group feeling a bit discouraged.  No two members seemed to agree on ANY aspect of modesty whatsoever, and the prevailing theme of the whole group was that modesty is subjective, it means something different for each woman and each woman gets to decide what she considers is "modest".  One woman very emphatically declared that she wears bikinis every summer to the beach and doesn't feel that this violates the virtue of modesty in the least.  The same woman also announced that she was never going to caution her daughters to be careful about her dress in regards to helping men avoid sins of impurity because it encourages girls to think of themselves as objects and that men need to mind their eyes.  Another woman said she feels "convicted" to wear a tunic over her skinny jeans when leaving the house, but if she's just running to the grocery store, she doesn't feel that it's a problem.  The main vibe I got from the group (and not just from this group, in particular, I get this a lot in the modesty world) was that if you feel comfortable in it, it's "modest" and anyone who says differently is a hater and is judging you.  

In the Bible and the writings of the saints, we see modesty mentioned quite often.  Women are constantly being exhorted to the modesty of dress and deportment and reminded of what a glorious virtue it is.  Philippians 4:5 says: "Let your modesty be known to all men. The Lord is nigh...".  How on earth are we supposed to let our modesty be known to all men if modesty is something different for each person??? If skinny jeans are "modest" to one girl, but not to another, which one is following St. Paul's command for women ("In like manner women also in decent apparel: adorning themselves with modesty and sobriety...", 1 Timothy 2:9)? And please don't bring up the overused "modesty comes from within, as long as your heart is modest, it doesn't matter what you wear" argument.  Yes, modesty has to begin in your heart, but what is in your heart should be reflected in your outward choices and appearances.  St. Paul specifically says "in decent apparel" in his exhortation for women; he is clearly referring to manners of dress as well as interior dispositions. Modesty cannot be a completely subjective virtue, else it would be impossible to attain! It is the guardian of Purity, and like Purity, it is not up to each person to decide it's definition.

So what is modesty of dress, exactly? If it is not subjective, there must be a kind of rule-book to follow, some sort of guide to help us be sure of being modest in our apparel? The Catholic Church has given us a set of rules to be used as a building ground for our manner of dress.  While they have been abandoned by most of the world, they are still respected and even enforced in the Vatican today. By ensuring that your clothing meets these standards at all times (whether standing, sitting, bending over, walking, etc.), you can be sure of being dressed with modesty.  The rules are:

• Knees & Shoulders covered
• Nothing see-through (all undergarments hidden from view)
• Nothing clingy (undergarments hidden from view, not able to see every single bump and curve)
• Nothing too low cut (about two fingers breadth below the throat)

(source, Catholic Modesty)

From looking at these rules, you can see that modesty requires that clothing should cover the center of the person (both literally and figuratively).  Decent apparel should cover from the shoulders to the knees; in this way, the most sacred members of our bodies (those used for bringing new souls into the world) are appropriately covered from all eyes but those who have the right to see them (your spouse).  Dressing modestly is also a matter of charity; by keeping our intimate self-covered, we are not encouraging men to lust for what they are not permitted to have or offering a part of ourselves that justice demands they refuse.  It's true that some men will use you as an occasion of sin whether you are fully clothed or half-naked, but when you are not offering the forbidden fruit, the blame is all theirs.  By practicing modesty of dress you are doing your part in helping men keep their hearts pure; whether they do or not is their own decision.  I have heard many women say "it's their job not to look, their weakness shouldn't affect me", and this is an exceedingly uncharitable view to have.  If you know someone is an alcoholic, would you continuously wave liquor in front of them and demand that they look away if it bothers them? It's the same issue here; it is a scientific fact that men are attracted through the eyes.  God created them this way to be attracted to their wives and ensure the continuance of humanity.  Because of Original Sin, this has become a weakness for them, and they must be careful to keep this attraction from becoming lust.  Some men struggle with this more than others, and out of charity (as well as a respect for justice), we women are obligated to not offer what they have no right to accept.  

To conclude, the Church has given us a guide to follow in regards to the modesty of dress, and we are obligated to follow it if we wish to imitate the modesty and virtue of the saints.  These guidelines are by no means restrictive to our health, our movement, or even our style.  There are endless ways to dress modestly and still express ourselves through our clothing! As long as the guidelines are followed, the rest is up to our own tastes and preferences.  In our world today it can be difficult to resist the temptation to dress like everyone else, but as Christians we are commanded to be in this world, but not of it.  Dressing modestly is one of the ways we show the world we are followers of Christ and pursuers of virtue.

"How beautiful then is modesty and what a gem among virtues it is." 

(St. Bernard, Confessor and Doctor of the Church)

\\Outfit Details\\

Cardigan: Target (old)

Skirt: ModCloth

Sandals: Amazon

Jewelry: Rookingtons