Living without Regret and Guilt

I would like to thank each and every one of you for your warm comments, expressions of love, and condolences on the passing of our mom. Our whole family was really lifted up this weekend by your prayers, support and visits. 

Don’t ever think the online condolences just disappear and nobody reads them, because we do. They are very comforting.

I have a few takeaways that I would like to share with you, as I try to get back into my writing.

One day I was sitting with my mom at the nursing home and the head of dietary was standing there talking to us about her mom who had passed years before. She said she still thinks, “I have to tell my mom . . .” until she remembers she is gone.

Moms are carried in our hearts and minds forever. It is good for us to continue conversing with them. I’ve already started talking to my mom, and I am really comforted when I do.

I know we often apply sainthood to those who have passed, but something I have come to realize is how truly selfless my mom was.  What a beautiful character trait.

Probably the reason I never realized it, was because we were both so focused on ME!  

Even after my dad died at 38, she never missed a beat, as far as I can remember. I really don’t recall her ever feeling sorry for herself or turning inward.  She never sought attention.  How did I not notice that before?

It has occurred to me that although the tears come uninvited and spontaneously now (like standing in the grocery store parking lot!), it is so very helpful to be able to live without regret or guilt. 

It was a prompting from God that helped me to be able to finally focus on our mom, and throughout her illness I was acutely aware that our only job was to “pour love out on her.”  This can look different for everyone, but I learned the importance of putting other things aside, whenever possible, and putting her first.  

God takes what we think of as sacrifice and transforms it, and us, into his gift. A gift for our loved one and a gift for ourselves. He knows something about this!

I have learned a lot that will eventually come to the surface, I am sure, but for now I hope that some of these things that I am just now realizing will help you when you have the privilege to walk with someone on their way to eternal life. Don’t ever miss the opportunity to do so.

--Love freely, without holding back

--Notice, really notice the beauty in others, while they are with you

--With total dependence on God you can do what you think you can’t

--Laugh

--Try to live so that regret and guilt will not become your companions

If you act on the knowledge that God is with you and divine grace is sustaining you, regret and guilt will not become a problem.

If time has passed and you are burdened by either of them, do for others what you wish you would have done for your loved one and offer it up in their name. 

God will bless it.

There is still a great need for us to “pour love out” on others, so let’s get moving!

(Please feel free to share your own experiences here, for the benefit of others.)

God bless,

Janet Cassidy

janetcassidy.blogspot.com

Johnseven38@yahoo.com