Are You Controlling?

Do you have a problem with being a bit controlling?  Maybe you are tempted to control your adult children, or perhaps your controlling is more related to always correcting the errors of others?

There are people who, out of the need for control, desperately pay too much attention to detail and try to make sure that their ducks (and the ducks of others) are not only lined up in a neat row, but that they quack at the same time, and on key.

I should correct myself.  I’m not so sure anyone actually has a “need” to control others.  I think this—can I call it a character flaw?—is often just part of one’s personality.  Sometimes it comes from cultural circumstances like family or the way they have been treated. 

Adult children of alcoholics, for instance, may tend to try to control their situations (and others) because living with an alcoholic can be chaotic and the very definition of being out-of-control.  Circumstances themselves may create “control freaks”—an unkind, overly negative, label.

Anyway, one of the dangers I have observed in people who are “overly-gifted” with a sense of control is the impact their preciseness has on people around them.  They may not see it themselves if they consider their perfection to be virtuous.

But, whatever the circumstances, this behavior can unintentionally cause fear in others.  It can become paralyzing for those who exist in their circle. This is tremendously unhealthy as it actually stunts the growth of others.

How does it stunt the growth of others?

Well, for one thing, it can make others be afraid to take initiative.  Rather than allowing space for people to grow and try out new ideas, take risks and dare to fail, it causes hesitancy and self-doubt, leaving them frozen in dependency.

In reality, we are called to lift each other up, to help each other be the best we can be, and encourage each other to use our personal gifts and talents to improve the world around us.

If we are not doing that (observe people’s response to you to see if they are blooming), then perhaps it’s time to take an honest look at ourselves.

Janet Cassidy
janetcassidy.blogspot.com