Parenting 101

Parents of adult children always have the same dilemma:  

How do we get them to do things right?  And by right, I mean the way that we would do it!  

Undeniably, we have lived a few more years than they have; we have already walked much of the path they are currently walking; and, probably, most importantly, we can see into the future, just as clearly as if we had a crystal ball, and we know what is best!  

Can I hear an Amen?

This superpower extends to grandchildren as well.  We can see the accident waiting to happen.  We know the discipline that will work, the habits that will lead to virtue, and we even know the effects of too much sugar on a little human body, but the best part of all for our adult children is that we are a fountain of wisdom, just waiting to be called upon to share the wealth of information we have acquired over time through our own experiences.

All kidding aside, maybe we're not that great, after all, God is the only one who is all-knowing.  In fact, rather than controlling others, our faith teaches us that we should do the exact opposite, as it says in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC):

"Freedom is exercised in relationships between human beings.  Every human person, created in the image of God, has the natural right to be recognized as a free and responsible being.  All owe to each other this duty of respect." (CCC 1738) 

And therein lies the "problem".  Our adult children have been given, by God, the freedom to make choices to shape their own lives.  They deserve respect.  God gave each of us the free will to choose good or evil, and each of us has to take responsibility for our own choices.  And this goes for our adult children as well.

Of course, God did set us out to be good role models for our adult children, and to lead and guide them best we can, but just remember, the next time you are frustrated or angry because of a choice your adult child has made, or isn't making, God himself gave him/her the freedom to do it, and they must take responsibility for it.  By God's design, we simply do not get to do it for them.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church has a lot to help us understand all of this.  It can be found around Paragraph 1730, where Part Three (Life in Christ) begins with this statement:

"God created man a rational being, conferring on him the dignity of a person who can initiate and control his own actions. "God willed that man should be 'left in the hand of his own counsel,' so that he might of his own accord seek his Creator and freely attain his full and blessed perfection by cleaving to him."

Knowing that . . .

"As long as freedom has not bound itself definitively to its ultimate good which is God, there is the possibility of choosing between good and evil, and thus of growing in perfection or of failing and sinning. This freedom characterizes properly human acts. It is the basis of praise or blame, merit or reproach." (CCC 1732)

Nobody said "parenting" an adult child would be easy, and nobody knows this more than God himself, who must deal with us.  But the reality is, God's peace can enter the relationship between parents and their adult children if the parents remember that God's ways may look different, and that he is always available to guide us in his wisdom as well!

Janet Cassidy
janetcassidy.blogspot.com