Grieving for a miscarriage - a Catholic view

A few weeks ago I got an e-mail from a nice lady who was grieving her own early miscarriage, asking for some suggestions and guidance on how to get through her grief journey. I'm posted my advice on my blog for future reference and to help others who might want similar information.

Grieving for a miscarriage is different I think than for a stillbirth or death of an older baby. There is not a grave to tend or a lock of hair, pictures or shared memories to cherish. Yet every little death still leaves a hole in a mother's heart that wants to honor that and be the keeper this little one's memory. These are a few suggestions that might find be helpful.

• Name the baby and send the name and information to the of the Holy Innocents.There the name is entered into their Book of Life and a mass is said for all the children in the book regularly. In addition they send a beautiful cerfificate with the child's name to be printed out. I did that for my son and his certificate is framed in our living room. I found that to be very comforting.
• Get a copy of the little book, Mother's Manual; Around page 84 of that book are some prayers that I said that really helped me to grieve and accept the loss of my child.
• I wear a little angle on a chain always in memory of my son. I have met other women who have little angels on their blouses or on chains and when I have asked about it, sure enough, they are also mothers of loss. I found this to be very helpful and a nice way to remember my baby every day .
• Do something nice for yourself on what would have been your due date. Go to church and say a prayer for the baby, light a candle, go out to dinner etc. Maybe buy something online or from a store special for that day and have it arrive around the due date. I found that expecting something to be delivered to my home helped in an odd way.
• Just know that this pain won't feel as sharp as time goes on. The heart will be scarred a little, but it will heal with time.

My Lord, the baby is dead!

Why, my Lord, dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face. it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise.

Why, my Lord?

“Why, My child, do you ask ‘why’?

Well, I will tell you why.

You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty, he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool, forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity

Mother Angelica