What's One More

Laura Bennett, Project Runway USA reality
fashion show contestant, and
her six children

I have a Twitter Friend, NoWealthButLife:  Rae Jericho who writes the blog http://nowealthbutlife.com/; who wrote a tweet that caught my eye: "@nowealthbutlife Even when people are joking I hate the "well, if you have X kids, what's one more?" comments. One more is... um... A CHILD!"

Now I see why and how she feels that can be insulting.  On the surface it sounds so caviler, as if that person sees children more as objects than the precious gifts they are. So I tweeted her this reply: "@NoWealthButLife I see it more as, well I have found out I can do it!!!! No longer scared to be a parent."  It was, I hope, a gentle challenge to flip the comment on its head, view it from another angle.  When we say things we know what we mean and often because the person we are speaking with has the same context the meaning is clear, the message is receive as it was intended.  Still there are times when we the speaker and you the listener are not always in tune, and there is no way for either of us to know that.  Sometimes what the speaker says and what the listener hears can be two different things on both ends.  I am reminded of an episode of Friends when Rachel says something that is insulting but she is convinced is great; her shocked replied was: "It sounded better in my head!"  We have all had times when the moment the words are out and we truly hear them we have the same response: "It sounded better in my head!"  

But in the case with this tweet I am going to defend the speaker.  I have heard people say that to me, have said it myself, and laughed with understanding when Laura Bennett, the famously pregnant contestant on Project Runway, I love Pop Culture, who refused a drink because she had just found out she was carrying her sixth child, say exactly the same thing:  "What's one more throw him on the pile with the others."  You could be justified in say that she was being callus, hateful toward children!  Flip it on its head.  Did she really mean she was going to throw the baby on a pile with the rest?  Really?  Or was it that she had had five already and no longer feared having any others.

Those of us who are mothers can remember when we brought our first bundle home.  How many of you were like me and stayed up all that first night making sure he was breathing!  And how often were you freaked out when there was that occasional normal long pause between a few breathes!  You wanted to drive right in with CPR and Mouth to mouth, and then he breathes, and sleeps, well, like a baby.  How many times have we sat with our mothers or mothers-in-law and laughed recalling how they had baby book, after baby book after baby book for their first, a baby book or two for the next and if the last was lucky maybe an envelope with a few mementos.  This speaks to what I think the intent of the tweet was:  We become comfortable confident in our parenting.  We begin to see that we have the tools to do it well.  It’s like we feel so at easy with the whole process that we are throwing a baby on the pile with the rest, it says we can do this; no problem!

Read More: How many Children Do Your Daughters Want