Don't Turn a Blind Eye to Spousal Abandonment

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What should we do when people in our social circle abandon their marriages? When they're openly, even scandalously, unfaithful? Kristin Gomez has encountered this situation one too many times, and now she's speaking out about it. A graduate of the University of Virginia and former Spanish teacher, Kristin is now a homeschooling mother of 6 in Manassas, Virginia. She's part of a core team of couples at All Saints Catholic Church who are using the Alexander House resource, Covenant of Love, to help create "a marriage minded community." Best of all, she's married to a Colombian and living la vida loca, Catholic style!




Abandonment is when one spouse leaves the other despite the other's pleas for counseling and healing of the marriage in the hopes to restore love and stability to their family. (I'm not talking about the legal definition of abandonment here, just the common-sense meaning of the word.) Check the stats, but surprisingly this is MANY, if not MOST of "divorces" one hears about. Divorce is more of a mutual decision to legally get un-married. The kids still suffer (as do the spouses), but it is by and large a mutual decision. This is less common than flat-out abandonment.

I totally understand having to legally live apart when there is severe abuse or addiction. This is not about that. This is about one or both spouses feeling unhappy or unfulfilled in the marriage. I have never met an honest married couple that did not go through this once or many times and is still happily married.

So when I tell my friend that Joe has abandoned Jane for another woman and Jane and the kids are in agony and we must help in some way - please do not tell me "these things are complicated/there are always two sides/I do not think it our place to get involved/this is a private matter."

Comments

  1. Lora Dolores12:00 pm, October 22, 2013

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  2. Lora Dolores12:05 pm, October 22, 2013

    Thank you so much for this post. Our parish priest recently spoke about this issue in a beautiful homily at Mass. He spoke with such understanding and thoughtfulness, showing great concern for abandoned children and spouses these families. I am so grateful for the many compassionate priests who, acting in accordance with the love and mercy of Jesus, help families through this trial. In the past, too common were the occasions when the abandoned spouse was blamed. Too often, the Christians in the abandoned spouse's life would forget that he/she needed to be supported and comforted and not made to feel guilty. There was usually nothing he/she could have done to prevent the infidelity. I have heard stories of people leaving the church because of the way they were mistreated and accused, adding insult to injury, in these situations. The reality is that the "two sides" formula does not work in these instances. There is simply one sided selfishness. The abandoned party should never be blamed by telling them that there are "two sides to the story". That is just cruel and unkind! I am grateful for the increased awareness and sensitivity to the needs of the abandoned children and their parents who try to be both parents to them. I am grateful for Catholic teaching ~ God is so good!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown10:58 am, October 24, 2013

      God is good, all the time! Thanks so much for your comment.

      Delete

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