Back From The Edge
When my husband was alive I had come back to the Catholic Church and I prayed my Rosary and loved to spend time with our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. After my husband died, everything hurt, and I mean everything. Little things like going to the grocery store or watching t.v. was painful, and yes going to church was painful too because everywhere I was, I could feel his absence. (He never went to church with me, but I prayed for him much there.)
Well, after his death, I was hurting so bad, that I just didn't care about anything, myself included. All I wanted was to not hurt just for a little while. I worked 50 hours a week, because I knew if I kept busy the 'demon' of sadness was kept at bay. (There is a physical law that you can't think of two things at the same time, so the busier I was, the better.) In addition to using work as a distraction from the pain I was experiencing, I also sought out unhealthy relationships with men. I stepped into mortal sin. I made every excuse for my behavior, saying that God would understand, and what I was doing wasn't so bad. But I was lying, to myself. The part of me that had loved to go to Mass and pray her Rosary in front of the Blessed Sacrament was screaming, "What are you doing! You know better!"
After three years of this I was beginning to wonder if this was going to be my entire life, and if I could continue to live in this constant pain. Then one day, there was no extra work available and I took a day off. I waited for the sadness to come. It didn't. I was quite surprised. My demon must have been on an extended coffee break. For the first time I knew something that I hadn't known in three years: Hope. For the first time I had hope that there could be a life without this constant sadness. read more>